If you begin wrestling when you are 6, travel to myriad tournaments all over the Nation throughout your youth, set a goal to become an Olympic Champion when you were 8, wrestle in High School, compete in College, and follow your Olympic dream to fruition to Sydney, Australia 16 years later, needless to say, you love wrestling. I love wrestling so much I could be considered a POW (Prisoner of Wrestling). But, the truth is, I don’t want to be held captive by wrestling because it’s only one piece of the pie of my life. I have many other desires that keep me fairly balanced; however, over the last year, I wasn’t sure my competitive wrestling career was completely over.

After the 2000 Olympics, I thought for sure I was finished competing, but at the US Open in 2002, there was a question tugging on my heart. Brandon, you are 26, single, have no kids, and can still get it on, do you really want to retire? The potential desire to compete again began to grow inside of me. I got my journal out and wrote all the positives and negatives for competing I could think of. I called many of my coaches, friends, and family to seek their advice. After a couple of months, I decided I needed to be back in the training environment to truly make the right decision. Fortunately, USA Wrestling and the USOC allowed me to move back to the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, CO, where I lived and trained from 1998-2000. I moved back to the OTC August 10, 2002 just in time for the World Team Camp to begin. I didn’t make any grandiose decisions. My plan was to train hard for 3-4 months and fervently pray for God to lead me in the right directions. I prayed, “God, if you want me to compete again, please, place a strong desire on my heart. If I need to be done with competition, please, allow me to eventually abhor training at this level.”

Well, exactly 4 months later, I wanted to sit in my room and read a book more than I wanted to go to practice. When we would do sprints after practice and the coaches would say, “Catch the guy in front of you,” I would think in my mind, “I don’t want to catch that dude!” Not only was I not catching guys; most of them were passing me. Oh well, I’m glad I could be that guy for them. This epiphany could not be ignored. I realized I wasn’t hungry or motivated to do the extra, and the extra is what makes the difference between winning and being the best. Most guys go to practice, but the best do the extra. Do I believe I could win the Olympics in Athens in 2004? Yes, I believe I could, but belief is only one ingredient in the Recipe to Success. The other ingredients are Time/Commitment, Hard Work, Making Good Decisions, and Using God’s Gifts. I don’t desire to do the extra hard work it will take to be the best in the world again, and your desire determines your destiny.

Yes, this story is about continuing to wrestle, but it can be a lesson for any decision that we decide to make in life. When many of us have done things, good or bad, for so long, it can be very hard to let them go. We tend to make things or people in our lives our heaven, but if you do that, those things or people can become your hell. There is only one Heaven, and it resides in God above. Trust me, I love wrestling with all my heart, but I don’t have to continue competing just because I have done it for 21 years. We must have courage to listen to the true desires of our heart. When you ignore the desires of your heart, you are living a dead life. Listen to those desires, but it’s important to realize you will not be able to fulfill all of them. It can’t be done. Some of your desires will be thwarted. That is why U2 sang; “I still haven’t found what I am looking for.”

I’m so thankful that I haven’t fulfilled all my desires. If I had, life would be so boring and pointless. That inner desire keeps me alive inside. Here is what Gerald May writes in The Awakened Heart,

"There is a desire within each of us, in the deep center of ourselves that we call our heart. We were born with it, it is never completely satisfied, and it never dies. We are often unaware of it, but it is always awake…. Our true identity, our reason for being, is to be found in this desire."

I felt a desire to began training again so I followed it. Even though I am back home in Amarillo, TX and not training anymore, my 4 months back at the OTC were priceless. I had the opportunity to room with an 18-year-old named Jack Jensen who gave me confidence in the state of our Nations Youth. I got a chance to become closer with my long time friend and Olympic teammate Lincoln McIlravy. That time at OTC was blessed in many ways, and I am so glad that I listened to the desire of my heart to potentially compete again.

I challenge all of you to listen to the desires of your heart, but know that earth’s gold in the form of achievements, fame, and fortune will never bring you lasting joy. There is only one thing that will ever completely satisfy you, and it’s God’s love through Jesus Christ. One of my friend’s Rodney Clawson wrote a song about God’s love called Greater Than Gold. This song has truly touched my heart, and I hope it touches yours. The chorus goes:

Your love is greater than gold, worth more than all the diamonds that are buried on this earth. Your love is finer than silver, more precious than pearls.
Your love is worth more than anything in the whole wide world. It's greater than gold.

You may be saying, “Brandon, this really wasn’t a wrestling column.” It might not have been about wrestling on the mat, but it’s all about wrestling through life where we are all wrestlers in one way or other.

Keep looking straight up!

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